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Monday, February 11, 2008

1001 Reasons Why You Want To Be My Sweetheart

With this being close to Valentine's Day, I thought I'd post my annual list entitled "1001 Reasons Why You Want To Be My Sweetheart." My sweetheart and I are celebrating our 7th such holiday together this year.

I can't claim direct creation of this list. It started with a Craigslist post a few years ago and every instance I've ever seen is usually customized for a specific couple and has many new and funny as well as endearing lines.

By the way - this list is easily adaptable and I encourage outright stealing from me - as long as you promise to customize it with your own little quirks, jokes, good times and bad times - everything that you and your special someone share.

Be in peace and may you have much love.

1001 Reasons Why You Want To Be My Sweetheart


  • I didn't vote for either George Bush

  • I'm slippery when wet

  • I make Martha Stewart look like a dirty hippie

  • I'll make you laugh

  • I know the difference between Sondheim and Webber

  • I've never been in one of Tommy Lee's movies

  • I can make a mean pot of Bolognese sauce

  • I'll pretend I didn't see you look at that cute guy/gal

  • I know that handcuffs aren't just for the cops

  • I recycle

  • I do know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop

  • I won't steal your vicodin out of the medicine cabinet

  • I'll take care of you when you're sick

  • I come with my own set of ear plugs in case of snoring

  • I'll make fun of you

  • I can give a great back rub

  • I haven't been a house guest of O.J. Simpson

  • I don't care if you leave the seat up

  • I've got cookies

  • I take a shower every day, twice even sometimes

  • I'll keep working until I chip away at your walls

  • I don't care that you go out with the boys/girls

  • I don't eat crackers in bed too often

  • I’ll always respect your parents and enjoy their company

  • When you wash the dishes it turns me on

  • My heart will jump every time you walk through the door

  • I don't care if you cut your toe nails in the living room

  • I'll save every card you ever give me

  • I won't ever forget your birthday, and remind you when mine is coming

  • You just can't stop reading this!

  • I've never even seen one episode of Dawson's Creek or Gilmore Girls

  • I'll think you're just about the coolest person I know

  • I adore your niece and nephew

  • I think ordering in pizza and watching a movie is the ideal date

  • I've never been on Americas Most Wanted

  • I want to grow old with you

  • I can tie a cherry stem with my tongue

  • My kisses will take your breath away

  • You'll never have to cook again

  • My weird habits you'll find adorable

  • You'll sleep better when I'm next to you

  • My tiramisu is the bomb

  • I'll thank you every time you open the door

  • I’m just as happy with Crown Roast of Weenies as I am with filet mignon

  • I'll never waste your love

  • I love it when you’re opinionated

  • I'll laugh at every joke even when it's not funny

  • I'd never embarrass you in front of your friends or family

  • It gets better every time

  • I won't ever let you leave for work in the morning without your cell phone

  • I’d follow you anywhere – and I have

  • I don't have a big brother, so you don't have to worry about getting your butt kicked ever

  • I'll help you find your keys

  • I try not to pick my nose in public

  • I like to dish

  • I've never owned anything Hello Kitty

  • I don't need batteries

  • I eat red meat

  • I can kill my own spiders and yours too

  • I'll clean the house perfect every time

  • I met John Waters three times

  • I want to get married

  • I'll always want more

  • I smell pretty good most of the time

  • I don't litter

  • When I can I give to charity

  • I can be ready in 30 minutes or less

  • I look both ways before I cross the street

  • I never look directly into the sun

  • You're more hilarious than anyone I know

  • I’m old enough to remember when the first space shuttle crashed

  • I can balance a check book

  • I'll help you not to forget your mom’s birthday

  • I would never yell "fire" in a crowded theatre

  • I’m really good at sneaking food into the movies

  • I'll never say "nothing's wrong" when there really is

  • I've never cried over spilt milk

  • I know that being devoted to you means happiness, not a chokehold

  • I have never stabbed anyone in the eye

  • I've never smuggled drugs out of the country

  • I never overload the washer

  • I’ll take care of you no matter what

  • What else have you got to do?

  • I've never auditioned for American Idol

  • I don't eat yellow snow

  • My chin fits ‘just right’ in your shoulder when you hold me close

  • I'm just that good

  • I never had sexual relations with Bill Clinton

  • I'm a pepper

  • You're getting very sleepy . . .

  • I've never been on Jerry Springer

  • I may have already won $10,000,000

  • You won't be able to get me out of your head

  • I know that objects in the mirror are bigger than they appear

  • Flowers will get my attention every time

  • I've never been caught lip synching on SNL

  • I have a $22.82 credit at Borders

  • I have clean socks that you can borrow if you run out

  • I never run with scissors

  • I know how to keep a secret

  • I've never failed a survey

  • I can almost every time find Waldo

  • I never put my fingers in the light socket

  • I'm a Capricorn

  • I have all my shots

  • I'm pretty damn funny

  • I'm not a doctor and I've never played one on tv either

  • I don't care if you eat off my plate

  • When you're sleeping I'll always try to be quiet

  • I know the difference between they're, their, and there

  • You really like having someone to cuddle with on the couch

  • I know how to get stains out of t-shirts

  • I'm really good at making lists

  • After reading this far you've already got too much invested anyways

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