1001 Reasons Why You Want To Be My Sweetheart

With this being close to Valentine's Day, I thought I'd post my annual list entitled "1001 Reasons Why You Want To Be My Sweetheart." My sweetheart and I are celebrating our 7th such holiday together this year.

I can't claim direct creation of this list. It started with a Craigslist post a few years ago and every instance I've ever seen is usually customized for a specific couple and has many new and funny as well as endearing lines.

By the way - this list is easily adaptable and I encourage outright stealing from me - as long as you promise to customize it with your own little quirks, jokes, good times and bad times - everything that you and your special someone share.

Be in peace and may you have much love.

1001 Reasons Why You Want To Be My Sweetheart

• I didn't vote for either George Bush
  


• I'm slippery when wet
  


• I make Martha Stewart look like a dirty hippie
  


• I'll make you laugh
  


• I know the difference between Sondheim and Webber
  


• I've never been in one of Tommy Lee's movies
  


• I can make a mean pot of Bolognese sauce
  


• I'll pretend I didn't see you look at that cute guy/gal
  


• I know that handcuffs aren't just for the cops
  


• I recycle
  


• I do know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop
  


• I won't steal your vicodin out of the medicine cabinet
  


• I'll take care of you when you're sick
  


• I come with my own set of ear plugs in case of snoring
  


• I'll make fun of you
  


• I can give a great back rub
  


• I haven't been a house guest of O.J. Simpson
  


• I don't care if you leave the seat up
  


• I've got cookies
  


• I take a shower every day, twice even sometimes
  


• I'll keep working until I chip away at your walls
  


• I don't care that you go out with the boys/girls
  


• I don't eat crackers in bed too often
  


• I’ll always respect your parents and enjoy their company
  


• When you wash the dishes it turns me on
  


• My heart will jump every time you walk through the door
  


• I don't care if you cut your toe nails in the living room
  


• I'll save every card you ever give me
  


• I won't ever forget your birthday, and remind you when mine is coming
  


• You just can't stop reading this!
  


• I've never even seen one episode of Dawson's Creek or Gilmore Girls
  


• I'll think you're just about the coolest person I know
  


• I adore your niece and nephew
  


• I think ordering in pizza and watching a movie is the ideal date
  


• I've never been on Americas Most Wanted
  


• I want to grow old with you
  


• I can tie a cherry stem with my tongue
  


• My kisses will take your breath away
  


• You'll never have to cook again
  


• My weird habits you'll find adorable
  


• You'll sleep better when I'm next to you
  


• My tiramisu is the bomb
  


• I'll thank you every time you open the door
  


• I’m just as happy with Crown Roast of Weenies as I am with filet mignon
  


• I'll never waste your love
  


• I love it when you’re opinionated
  


• I'll laugh at every joke even when it's not funny
  


• I'd never embarrass you in front of your friends or family
  


• It gets better every time
  


• I won't ever let you leave for work in the morning without your cell phone
  


• I’d follow you anywhere – and I have
  


• I don't have a big brother, so you don't have to worry about getting your butt kicked ever
  


• I'll help you find your keys
  


• I try not to pick my nose in public
  


• I like to dish
  


• I've never owned anything Hello Kitty
  


• I don't need batteries
  


• I eat red meat
  


• I can kill my own spiders and yours too
  


• I'll clean the house perfect every time
  


• I met John Waters three times
  


• I want to get married
  


• I'll always want more
  


• I smell pretty good most of the time
  


• I don't litter
  


• When I can I give to charity
  


• I can be ready in 30 minutes or less
  


• I look both ways before I cross the street
  


• I never look directly into the sun
  


• You're more hilarious than anyone I know
  


• I’m old enough to remember when the first space shuttle crashed
  


• I can balance a check book
  


• I'll help you not to forget your mom’s birthday
  


• I would never yell "fire" in a crowded theatre
  


• I’m really good at sneaking food into the movies
  


• I'll never say "nothing's wrong" when there really is
  


• I've never cried over spilt milk
  


• I know that being devoted to you means happiness, not a chokehold
  


• I have never stabbed anyone in the eye
  


• I've never smuggled drugs out of the country
  


• I never overload the washer
  


• I’ll take care of you no matter what
  


• What else have you got to do?
  


• I've never auditioned for American Idol
  


• I don't eat yellow snow
  


• My chin fits ‘just right’ in your shoulder when you hold me close
  


• I'm just that good
  


• I never had sexual relations with Bill Clinton
  


• I'm a pepper
  


• You're getting very sleepy . . .
  


• I've never been on Jerry Springer
  


• I may have already won $10,000,000
  


• You won't be able to get me out of your head
  


• I know that objects in the mirror are bigger than they appear
  


• Flowers will get my attention every time
  


• I've never been caught lip synching on SNL
  


• I have a $22.82 credit at Borders
  


• I have clean socks that you can borrow if you run out
  


• I never run with scissors
  


• I know how to keep a secret
  


• I've never failed a survey
  


• I can almost every time find Waldo
  


• I never put my fingers in the light socket
  


• I'm a Capricorn
  


• I have all my shots
  


• I'm pretty damn funny
  


• I'm not a doctor and I've never played one on tv either
  


• I don't care if you eat off my plate
  


• When you're sleeping I'll always try to be quiet
  


• I know the difference between they're, their, and there
  


• You really like having someone to cuddle with on the couch
  


• I know how to get stains out of t-shirts
  


• I'm really good at making lists
  


• After reading this far you've already got too much invested anyways