Marriage Equality: What Would My Ancestors Think?

It isn't uncommon that a United States Supreme Court decision impacts our daily lives as citizens of this country. The Court was created to sort out the conflicts of law and to align practices and procedures with our Constitution and its intent as our Founders envisioned.

But it isn't every day that the course of my life hangs on the decision of those who sit on that bench and who can determine whether or not I have the same rights as others. My partner of close to 13 years and I would like the benefits and protections of marriage which are offered to others.  That's all - plain and simple.

What I want in terms of marriage doesn't take anything away from anyone else. What I want doesn't demean anyone's marriage or make marriage a travesty. What I desire in having the right to marry doesn't really impact the rights of others. It doesn't mean you'll pay more for a car, a house or a latte. It really has little to do with you; but everything to do with me.

All I desire are the same protections that any committed, loving couple would received on a state and federal level. I want the same benefits in terms of taxes and inheritance. I want the same protections when it comes to health care and property rights. I want the same legal recognition of my relationship with another person.

And I wonder what my ancestors would make of all this. Would their thinking have evolved to a point where they could understand marriage equality? Perhaps they even knew of a same sex couple, even if they didn't understand their "lifestyle" or "choice." Of course I'd like to think that they'd understand any or all of the issues involved, but I've not deluded myself in such thinking. Many of my ancestors thought that enslaving others was permissible and that treating women as property was acceptable.

What I do know is this: my ancestors did evolve from such beliefs held by previous generations and were forced - sometimes even by court decisions - to recognize that the universe bends towards justice.

And so we live in a country where equality is not just a lofty goal set out in a 225 year old piece of paper, but a reality we all deserve to see in our own lifetime.

© 2013, copyright Thomas MacEntee

Divorce - You've Come A Long Way Baby?

Look how far the concept of divorce and martial squabbling has come. At SideTaker.com we now have a method where a couple can each post their side of an argument then have total strangers weigh in with their opinions for a 60 day period and vote as to whose side makes the better argument. The results are non-binding, like some versions of alternative dispute resolution, but I'm not sure I could hate someone enough to subject them to this method of airing dirty laundry. And to have to pay for the privilege no less!

This is the second instance where I've come across some rather odd divorce, separation or marital problem situations.

Over the weekend, while working online at the wonderful Northern New York Historical Newspapers site, I came across this ad:



Notice

Whereas my wife having left my bed and board without just cause, I hereby forbid anyone trusting her or harboring her on my account, as I will not be responsible for any debts contracted by her after this date.

October 31, 1935
Milford F. Keib
Croghan, N.Y., R.1.[1]

I am assuming this represents what was commonly known as a "marital desertion" advertisement and meant to notify the public that the person placing the ad, almost always the husband, would not be held responsible for any debts incurred by his wife.

There are a variety of interesting marital desertion ads listed here which include phrases such as:

"Whereas my wife Catherine has refused to live with me . . ."

"Whereas my wife Genet has eloped from my bed and board . . ."

"Whereas, my wife Thirza, left my bed and board about three weeks ago, having lived with me but half the honeymoon, during which short and loving period it is difficult to imagine that any great provocations could have been given for leaving me, . . ."

and here is one which contains the only "counter argument" ad from the wife that I've seen:

NOTICE

My Wife Elizabeth Witter, having for some time past refused to live with me, I hereby caution all persons having any dealings with her, or trusting her on my account.

EZRA WITTER

------------------------- 

TO THE PUBLIC

As EZRA WITTER saw fit to post his Wife, I think it is my duty to let the public know what for.  He took other women home, who talked very unbecoming, besides using very hard threats towards me.  He likewise denied he had any wife, said he had women enough without me, and would not part with them but by reason of the disease which afterwards appeared to his shame.  I thought it best to stay at my own place.

ELIZABETH WITTER

Ouch.

Notes

[1] The Journal and Republican, Lowville, New York, Vol. 77, No. 4, p. 10.

Happy 93rd Anniversary!

Today, which is the traditional Decoration Day, would have been my great-grandparents 93rd anniversary. John Ralph Austin and Therese Rose McGinnis were married in New York City on May 30, 1915. The photo below is from their 60th anniversary party on May 30, 1975 at their home in Grahamsville, NY. It would be the last such anniversary they would celebrate together, with my great-grandfather passing on April 20, 1976.